Monday, October 20, 2008

Risky Behavior on the Weekend

Ever since I publicly stated my dislike for the board game RISK, my kids have been at me. "Do you really hate RISK, Mom?.... Have you given it a chance?... Maybe if you tried it just one more time...."

So, in the name of family fun and unity, our Saturday evening found us in battle formation with the following lines drawn in the sand:

*Eileen's Purple Terror was firmly entrenched in Europe.

*Lyle's Black Plague started in Australia and was prepared to spread northward.

*Adam's Green Machine was spread everywhere and ultimately went nowhere.

*Madeline's Yellow Fever was reaching epidemic proportions in Africa and South America.

*Abby's Blue Goo held the U.S. and was continually battling to stave off the yellow fever.

*And Maya Qiu's Red Spread had a strangle hold on Asia, which we thought was cute.

Adam's Green Machine reportedly had a strategy. Maya's Red Spread had absolutely no strategy. As a matter of fact, the Red Spread did everything wrong, boldly spitting in the face of all military know-how. And yet, looking at this picture, can you guess which army always rolled 5's and 6's, and which army couldn't seem to roll over a 3?

And so very quickly the Green Machine was shaking in its boots and licking its wounds up in its namesake country of Greenland. The Black Plague taunted the Green Machine's battle worn soldiers and in the voice of the Sicilian Vicini sneered, "Un-Emploooyyed in Greeeeenlannd," which seemed poor form.

The Purple Terror absolutely could have taken out the Green Machine, but the Purple Terror was hanging out in the Swiss Alps and wanted everyone to just live in peace and harmony. Against all odds, the Green Machine reved itself up and continued chugging away.

The Red Spread, however was becoming problematic. The Spread was up past its bedtime. Red Spread needed to meet bedspread. Yet anytime her father, Black Plague, would ask the Red Spread if she wanted to quit or keep fighting, the Spread always valiantly yelled, "Keep Fighting!" Because it's fun to roll dice and if you're not rolling dice you might just take your extra pieces and form little families and make up witty dialogue as did the Blue Goo.

The Blue Goo did this because a) the Goo does that type of thing often and b) RISK is really that boring. Besides, the Blue Goo just didn't have a heart for world domination and her troops were dropping like flies to the evils of the Yellow Fever. And no matter how much you dislike the game and wish you were doing something else, it's still sad to lose good men.

The Yellow Fever was ruthless. She killed her victims in horrible agony and then heartlessly tossed them into very colorful plastic graves, mocking their sad demise. Yellow Fever annihilated Blue Goo and began sweeping through the Green Machine. The Black Plague however gave the Fever a taste of her own medicine and the Fever reached a boiling point.

While the Fever was simmering away in South America, the Red Spread was out of control in Asia. The threat of the Spread made the rest of the world nervous and the Green Machine, no longer unemployed in Greenland, fell victim to one of the classic blunders. To once again quote Vicini, "Never get involved in a land war in Asia."

The Purple Terror moved in and finally the Red Spread was defeated. In the end, the once all-powerful ruler whimpered like a baby, sucked her thumb and called out for Mommy. It was a sad display. The leadership of the Purple Terror stepped down and her army was taken over by the fallen commanders of the Green Machine. Purple Terror carried the fallen Red despot upstairs to bed where she repented of her ways and promised to never again wish for world domination.

Meanwhile downstairs the Green Machine fell victim to injury and sickness and the Yellow Fever and Black Plague sneezed and coughed and vomited all over each other until both were so sick and tired they didn't care who ruled the world and they just wanted to go to bed.

1 comment:

Jen Bay said...

Wow! It's like I was there! (but sadly, missed the throw up, metaphorical or otherwise)