I've Been Tagged

Today marks my first week of blogging! Most of my time has been spent transferring all of my old stuff over from the website, but I'm already liking the switch.

My good friend Jen tagged me a few days ago and I've been trying to avoid it. I prefer telling all of my kids' secrets and not my own. I was tagged a second time by Lisa, also a newbie blogger and now I'm feeling like I should just get this over with. SO, in no particular order:

1. I'm competitive and a bad loser.

And it's not pretty. I asked Lyle to give me a specific example and he kept going on...and on.... and on..."What about the time you hit me with your binder when I got a better grade than you?", or "What about when you threw your Scrabble pieces on the floor?", or "Oh yeah, you've got to tell about when you pushed that lady at church basketball"...... Anyway, apparently it's a problem that I need to work on.

2. My legs are not wimpy.

Actually, truth be told, I'm sure they are wimpy now, but they didn't used to be. Years ago when I ran track and we'd have weight room days, wow, you should have seen me on the leg press. Small crowds would gather. When Lyle hears someone is moving, he always offers my services. On our wedding day the photographer asked for some fun photos of Lyle carrying his new bride, but Lyle wanted none of that. He insisted on this:

3. I love to do research.

When I was little I remember one summer begging my dad to assign me a research topic. He chose Amelia Earhart and being a pilot himself, he ripped my report apart for piddly technical deficiencies and gave me a B. I still hold a grudge but I also still love to do research. My dream job would be as a researcher for the show "Biography" on A&E.

4. I love to write.

I once won the humor division in the Beck Family Valentine's Day Poem Writing Contest and I hold that as a very high honor. Lyle's family is quite large and the competition is fierce. Lyle almost always wins "Most Humorous" and leaves me hoping to get "Best Captures the Spirit of the Day". Come Home Billy Bob was my last win, and that was several years ago. My most recent entry, Gollum Finds Love, won honorable mention, so I've been close, but no cigar. I'm hoping this year I'll be back on top. Gotta' keep Lyle away from the computer.

Come Home Billy Bob

Won’t get no lovin’ this Valentine’s Day
Since Billy Bob’s left me and gone his own way.

Wasn’t much of a catch, I gotta speak true,
But still I can’t help but feelin’ real blue.

I first spotted him walkin’ along old Interstate One
I thought, “To heck with clean livin’! I want some fun!”

I always been careful, done just what I’m told,
But how could I leave him out there in the cold?

Took him on home and gave him some grub,
Got familiar real quick, and gave his belly a rub.

Ain’t never seen a back so covered with hair
He could do with some groomin’ ‘bout everywhere.

He needed a bath and some love and attention.
Did things in my trailer I won’t even mention.

But still I was sure that we had somethin’ real.
And now Billy Bob’s gone. You guess how I feel?

I’m tryin’ to focus on this here poem of woe
When in crawls Billy Bob! Now he’s lickin’ my toe!

I knew he’d come home, scratchin’ at my back door
No love like a dog’s, I said that before.

This Valentine’s Day appears to be turnin’ around!
Now I needs me a man to go along with the hound!


Gollum Finds Love

Gollum was loathsome, that much was well known.
There’s no way that he'd ever find a love of his own.

With pasty white skin, and a bony, bent body,
It looked pretty doubtful he’d be anyone’s hottie.

His hairs were few and what he had was all greasy,
Finding a woman for Gollum sure wouldn’t be easy.

He knew she was out there, they just hadn’t yet met,
So he signed himself up for "Middle Earth Bachelorette"

The bachelorette was an elf, pointy ears, hair of red.
She was truly a beauty, but there wasn’t much in her head.

Gollum sized up the others and felt a wee bit out-classed,
Ork, hobbit, and dwarf made up the rest of the cast.

The hobbit looked dapper, clearly his feet saw a comb,
The ork was well-muscled, and that cute dwarf… (or now was he a gnome?)

Anyway, their group outing was to a candle-lit cave,
Gollum turned on some "Smiegel" and tried to behave.

The elf giggled and laughed, she was a regular flirt,
And that ork sure talked big for a guy made from dirt.

The dwarf was real witty and the hobbit romantic,
Poor ugly Gollum felt pretty darn frantic.

He stood, which was brave, with just a cloth round his middle
And in his hoarse voice asked, "My precious, how about a riddle?"

"Oh yes! A riddle! O.K., I’m ready now!"
The elf crossed her eyes and furrowed her brow.

"A box without hinges, key, or lid,
Yet golden treasure inside is hid,"

"Oh, my! That’s a toughie, you sure are smart!"
Telling a good riddle is indeed a great art."

"I have lots more where that came from, my dear,"
And he whispered "egg" into her elvish ear.

"Oh, of course! A brain such as yours is so rare!"
With my looks and your smarts we’d make quite a pair!"

Gollum found love! He pinched himself!
Who would have guessed it? Can you imagine! An elf!

"Yes, my dear Gollum, my love I do bring,
Now from you all I need, of course, is a ring……."


* And as a side note, I hate The Lord of the Rings books and movies. My son loves them so I get this information second-hand. Just wanted you to know.


5. I love genealogy and family history.

Amongst my proudest accomplishments are the World War II histories I wrote of my dad's uncles who died in the war. I spent countless hours researching and making phone calls and collecting old photos and documents. I loved talking with my uncles' military buddies, now men in their 80's. My Uncle Grant's fellow pilots all had nicknames and one particular man I was interviewing suggested I call and interview another member of their squadron. "But," he said, "when you call, be sure to ask for Sexy." Uhh-huhh. I just couldn't bring myself to do that. When I was talking to "Sexy" on the phone, midway through the conversation, he cleared his elderly throat and said smooth as silk, "You know, you have a very attractive voice..." Sixty years after the war, Sexy was still making the moves!

6. My hair was straight, then curly, then straight, and no chemical treatments were involved.

When I was a little girl I had straight hair. When puberty hit, my hair went afro on me. As the puberty hormones calmed down so did my hair but it stayed decidedly curly. When I was pregnant with Adam my hair straightened into a non-descript, messy, grown-out perm look that has persisted. And speaking of hair, I'm plagued with gray. I can't remember a time when I couldn't find gray hairs on my head. I've pulled grays out of my children's heads and my oldest is only 14. It's a curse. If there were an experimental drug, I'd take it. My fear is that Lyle and I will become a George H.W. and Barbara Bush type of couple and everyone will mistake me for his mother. Lyle might actually start calling me Mother.

7. I love nerdy word games.

Give me a roaring fire and a Scrabble board and I'm a happy woman. Lyle and I played Scrabble every Sunday evening for years. When we didn't have quite enough time for Scrabble, we'd play Boggle instead. I love the category on Cranium where you have to spell words backwards. I hate the category that requires you to hum. Tunes elude me. I hate the game RISK. I always feel like we should just get along anyway and I have no beef with Greenland so why should I invade their territory? Besides, the game has way too many short pointy pieces that I frequently step on up in the playroom. Give me Scrabble any day.

Jen wanted a list of 8, but I'm maxed out with 7. This was painful.