An Epiphany

A few months back I was feeling antsy. I wanted to throw myself into a project but wasn't sure what that project should be. I tend to be kind of an all-or-nothing kind of gal, and so in the past I've been obsessively in love with:

*decorating

*genealogy and family history

*research (into a variety of topics)

*cooking (Lyle liked that short-lived stage)

*horses (they now live elsewhere)

*scrapbooking (currently I'm YEARS behind)

*all things adoption (still love it, but you can only read so many websites)

*photography

*gardening

*Etc.

*Etc.

So when Lyle saw me in my antsy state, he crossed his fingers and made sure cookbooks were easily accessible. I told him I wanted to write. He was relieved---no large purchases of farm animals. And as always, he was unfailingly supportive.

One of my very earliest school memories was the day I realized that not everyone can write. I don't mean forming letters, but putting something readable down on paper. I stink at math. I stink only slightly less at science. To know I was good at something, or at least better than average, made me very happy indeed. When I saw people struggling with writing, my advice always was, "Just kind of 'talk' onto the paper....but with a little more thought." It felt very natural to me and through the years essay tests have saved my bacon in many a class.

So I wanted to do something I'd never really done before---I wanted to TRY to write. I started the blog as kind of a daily warm-up and I worked hard on some pieces and sent them to publishers. To my surprise, I had success. Lyle and the kids were so proud of me. I was proud of me. I knew that if I desired a writer's life, I could have it. But here's the epiphany:

Sometimes knowing you can do something, is as satisfying as actually doing it.

I know writers who can devote a tiny part of their day to writing, but I can't. When I'm writing something, something that I'm really trying to make good, it's on the brain 24/7. I wish I could compartmentalize my life a little bit more but I don't think I'm wired that way. As much as it's satisfying to see my name in print, there are things that are infinitely more satisfying. And as much as I love writing, I love these guys more.



I'll definitely keep the blog, but I might not update as frequently. Cholita needs someone to read her a story. Bruder needs to talk about all the craziness of being a teenager. Lucy needs someone to appreciatively listen to her practice the piano. Rose desperately needs her hair combed. And yes, on occasion Lyle needs a decent meal. It's the one obsession that's stuck--my family.